Yesterday my journey toward healthier took me to a goodbye event at my community, Machar: The Washington Congregation for Secular Humanistic Judaism. It was a lovely event. One of my b'nei mitzvah students put together a video for me of images from my years at Machar. Members came up and publicly thanked me and shared ways that I made a difference in their lives. They also gave me a beautiful Miriam's cup, a symbol of the creativity, innovation and outside of the box thinking that I brought to them.
Here are the words I shared with them.
The people heard from me one last time ;) (Hamilton reference)
June 4th 2017
As I thought about what to do or say leading up to today, I started thinking about this as the “so long, farewell, aufwiederzehen, goodbye” event.
Just like the children saying goodbye in The Sound of Music, my process of saying goodbye here at Machar has been multifaceted.
In rabbinical school, we used to talk about the “rabbi/congregational relationship” so I regularly use relationship metaphors to talk about the experience of being a rabbi. Thus here I am, ending this relationship and wishing you well as you forge a relationship with your new rabbi.
I’ve realized a flaw in this idea. This isn't a single relationship. What I’ve actually learned in the last few months is that I have over 300 relationships here. Starting in December, when I first announced my decision not to renew my contract with Machar, I have slowly said goodbye to many of you. Today is the formal moment of goodbye, but I haven't yet had the opportunity to have an individual goodbye with many of you. Each goodbye is a chance to remember our relationship. And the memories of the experiences we have shared together will stay with me, as I hope they will also stay with you.
What's nice about having multiple ways of saying goodbye and multiple opportunities to say goodbye is that it gives us the chance to say auf wiedersehen, or in Hebrew, l’hitraot. Until we see each other again.
There is a saying from Pirkei Avot, which is one of the central places to go if you're looking for a good Jewish aphorism.
עשה לך רב וקנה לך חבר
והוי דן את כל האדם על כף זכות
Make yourself a rabbi, acquire yourself a friend and judge each person meritoriously.
There have been many interpretations of this text. Some of the traditional commentators seem to separate this into three distinct pieces of advice.
Make someone your rabbi by choosing to let someone be your teacher.
Acquire a friend by investing in the relationship and making it valuable to you.
Judge each person on their merits and give them the benefit of the doubt by assuming they have the best intentions.
I had always learned the first two together--make yourself a rabbi and acquire yourself a friend. The liberal interpretation and experience of a rabbi opens up the possibility of a causative link between the two halves.
When you make someone your rabbi, you're investing and trusting in a relationship. What you end up with, when you invest in that relationship, is a lifelong friend.
The most heartbreaking part of leaving Machar has been the reality that I won't be the lifelong rabbinic companion for all of you. Through my years here I have been there for much of the regular life of our community--JCS, adult ed programs, holiday celebrations--at especially the high holidays. And of course who can forget our infamous board meetings.
But the chances to really get to know families better have been around lifecycle events, particularly the b’nei mitzvah ceremonies and also the baby namings, weddings, and funerals of the last three and a half years. As we have gotten to know each other better, those lifecycle events have been even more moving and meaningful for me.
So, as I move into new adventure, which has changed form from synagogue, to family foundation work, to food truck and plenty of fantasy pipe dream visions in between, I hope to weave what I have learned here into my next chapter.
My mussar teacher, Rabbi Ira Stone, taught us about character development and spiritual practice. One of the character traits we worked on throughout our studies was humility. He defined humility as approaching each person you meet as a teacher. The word rav, or rabbi, in Hebrew is most simply translated as teacher. In that way, you have each been my teachers, as I hope to have been yours.
עשה לך רב וקנה לך חבר
והוי דן את כל האדם על כף זכות
Make yourself a rabbi, acquire yourself a friend and judge each person meritoriously.
I made many teachers here at Machar, and acquired many friendships, and I have always seen each of you for your merits and the ways you can each bring so much value to this community.
I hope that each of you will engage in this same process with your new rabbi, Jeremy Kridel. I have been lucky enough to have already made him one of my rabbis and one of my friends at our Association for Humanistic Rabbis meetings and at the teen conclaves and I look forward to the ways he will share his teaching, his friendship and his merits with the Machar community.
I printed these cards to give out today so that each of you can have a link to your old rabbi in your pocket. I hope that we stay in touch with each other's lives and that our paths cross often. Maybe by the next Machar field trip to Philadelphia I can invite you all to lunch. And if I don't have a food truck, we can just meet at my home.
Thank you.
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