Day 28: The humanity in all human beings

I have a friend named Antoinette. She was my inspiration for my purple, brown and silver box braids a few months ago. We were talking today and I told her about a girl from my doctor's office who had these amazing "coils" in her hair. Antoinette had no idea what I was talking about but said they sounded great and she'd love a pic if I went for it and got them.

I decided to try to figure out what the hair style is actually called. Thank you google and image searches. Apparently the look is called curly faux locs. They are so gorgeous...and controversial.

Shockingly, I chose something controversial!! A little more reading and I ended up finding out that some people, with real locs, hard earned through years of growth, care and sometimes as a spiritual practice, are mad at the faux locs people for getting in a few hours what they spent years developing. I have always loved the dreadlock look. I also always loved hair wraps. I wonder if it was some of the spiritual reasons, on an unconscious level.

One article cited a rejection of physicality and focus on beauty and grooming. The goal of leaving these vain pursuits behind was to bring the person closer to God.

Ok, before you get carried away, no--hair wraps don't make me feel closer to God. I don't even believe in God 97% of the time. (The other 3% I'm faking it til I make it and I rarely make it).

But there is a defiance and rejection of beauty standards in favor of my own definition of beautiful.

My mom raised me to care about social conventions of beauty. I was always a reluctant student. I never really got interested in make up, high heels, fancy clothes and I've always wondered when that day was when I was neither too fat or too thin and why the people who care about that shit never bothered to stop me on that day and say--this. This is it. This is the size and shape you should be.

I thought about an experiment today, as I noticed an African American man checking me out at Union Station. I thought about wearing a shirt that said, press the button on my sleeve if you think I'm beautiful. I wonder how many people would press the button. I wonder if I could tolerate people walking by and choosing not to press it.

It's a crazy paradox, you see, caring and not caring what people think. Putting yourself out there, being confident and vulnerable. Believing that you're totally fuckable, and more importantly, being totally lovable.

I'm on my way home from an inspiring day at the Humanist Clergy Collaboratory. At one workshop, we were looking at the definition of Humanism. It referred to seeing the humanity in all human beings. That's really what I strive for. It's at the core of almost everything I care about.

Today, I want to see myself as completely lovable. Exactly as I am.  With all of my faults and with all of my humanity.  I believe that part of what makes connecting with other human beings so amazing is that we recognize pieces of ourselves in each other (namaste) and because every person in this life teaches us something new. Each of us is beautiful and unique.  Even identical twins are different.

Today I had moments of feeling so beautiful and so unique and so human.  I also had moments of worry, filled with middle schooler insecurities that people didn't like me or that I was being "too..." you fill in the blank there.

But I'm going to end the night believing that everyone--given enough time and able to step out and really see me--everyone would push the button.

Beautiful me.